Crash
by MorganAW
Summary: When Alex Knightly walked out of Emma's office - and possibly her life - the day after the Boxx opening, Emma gave it until evening before heading out to find him. Unfortunately driving while distraught is a dangerous business. In the aftermath Emma wonders where Alex is when she needs him the most. Emma Approved universe.
1. Chapter 1

Licensing Note: Based on characters and story lines from _Emma Approved,_ written and produced by Bernie Su and Hank Green and based off of _Emma_ by Jane Austen. All original content and plot for _Crash_ is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International license by Morgan A. Wyndham. Cross-published on Derbyshire Writer's Guild as MorganA, Archive of Our Own by Morgan AW and by MorganAW.

* * *

 _July 4, 1991_

Emma giggled quietly as she ran across the lawn towards the pool. They'd spent the day in the pool and she didn't want it to end. Now everyone was wearing their clothes and excitedly talking about fireworks, but Emma wanted one more splash before they left. She knew she was supposed to stay with Annie, but Emma always got her own way in the end. With the fearless courage of any headstrong four year old she jumped straight into the pool like she'd done so many times that day. Earlier she'd always popped right back up, but this time her feet hit the ground. She tried to breathe but her mouth filled with water. Her tiny legs flailed but she couldn't seem to get above water. She was starting to panic when a pair of arms wrapped around her and suddenly she was sputtering above water.

"Emma!" Alex's anxious voice barely penetrated her panic as she continued to cough and struggle for air. "Emma, open your eyes, you're ok, I've got you.." Emma opened her eyes and clung to him. "Just breathe, Emma, you're ok," he said and she tried to calm her breathing to match his.

"I only looked away for a minute!" Annie's panicked voice came from the side of the pool, but Emma kept her eyes locked on Alex's. "Hand her up to me," Annie said, regaining all of the command of a thirteen year old babysitter now that the danger had passed.

Emma tightened her arms and whined, "I wanna stay with Alex!"

"It's ok, I'm right here," he said to Emma then turned to Annie, "I'll just go up the stairs with her." He calmly waded across to the steps where Maddy waited with a pair of towels.

Alex set her down outside the pool and she couldn't help but giggle at her gangly eight year old neighbor in his sopping wet khakis and polo shirt. "This isn't funny! Do you know how dangerous that was? You can't go in the pool without your floaties until you learn how to swim! Badly done Emma!"

"But you were there to save me!" Emma said, as she grabbed his hand possessively.

"This time I was, but you've gotta be more careful, I may not always be there to save you." Emma had a hard time believing there would ever be a time in her life that Alex wasn't there, but she stayed extra close to his side for the rest of the day … just in case.


	2. Shattered

July 24, 2014

 _Open your eyes Emma!_ Alex's eight year old voice echoed in her ringing ears. Her whole body seemed to be radiating pain. "Ma'am, can you open your eyes for me?" A brusque voice repeated. She opened her eyes and a light trailed past one eye then the other.

"You've been in a car accident, can you tell me your name?"

"Emma … Emma Woodhouse," she responded, but her head was throbbing too much to add her trademark wink. "Where's Alex?" she asked, disoriented.

"There were no other passengers in the car, but the hospital will call your emergency contacts when we get there." The brusque voice responded. Emma nodded, but that sent a wave of pain through her head and she nodded off again.

* * *

 _Just breathe, Emma, you're ok,_ Alex's voice wafted through her mind again. She opened her eyes, but everything was blurry. She refocused and saw her father sitting beside her, talking to her "You'll be ok Emma my dear, I don't know about these ER doctors, but I've called Dr. Perry and he will take care of you."

"Daddy?" she said softly.

"Oh Emma! We've been so worried about you! They say you've got a concussion and you broke your leg – they say you'll need surgery! When you didn't wake up I feared for the worst." Her father said as he took her hand.

"Now Mr. Woodhouse, she's only been asleep for a couple of hours and the doctor said that was to be expected with this type of injury," Annie said as she walked up to the bed. "Though I am glad to see you awake, welcome back.

Emma looked around the room but didn't see anyone else. "Where's Alex?" she asked weakly.

"I called and left a message, I'm sure he'll be here soon. Izzy and John are driving down tomorrow once they figure out childcare, and Ryan, Frank, and Maddy are in the waiting room, they'll only let two of us in to visit at a time." At the mention of Maddy and Frank, the events of last night and earlier today came rushing back to Emma: the Boxx opening, her and Frank making fun of Maddy's jams, and Alex's disappointment and anger. He'd stormed out of her office and she hadn't seen him for the rest of the day. She'd called him several times but had only gotten voicemail. The last thing she remembered was jumping in her car to drive to his place and make him listen to her.

"You've got to find Alex, we had a fight. He stormed out. Annie, Alex is gone and it's all my fault." She choked out before dissolving into tears.

"I'll keep trying, you just need to focus on calming down and resting, ok?" Annie said with a small waiver to her voice. Emma nodded, but closed her eyes and wept softly into her pillow.

* * *

It had been nearly a full day since the accident and Alex still hadn't shown up. For every disaster of her life big or small, he'd been there for her. He'd sat and played with her at her mother's funeral when she had no idea what was happening, put bandaids on her skinned knees, threatened to beat up boys who broke her heart. He didn't always agree with her or go along with her plans, but he was always there. Her mind kept replaying that time when they were kids and Alex pulled her out of the water. It was one of her earliest memories and it somehow summed up their entire friendship. _You're ok, I've got you._ She shook her head to clear the memory and refocused on Frank. "What was that?"

"Ok! Guess what I've got for you, Emma Woodhouse. Since you'll be stuck in the hospital for a bit I brought you a custom Frank Churchill survival kit," he said with his usual energy, displaying a gift basket. "One teddy bear, some fashion magazines, a sudoku book, dark chocolate biscotti, and a white chocolate latte with almond milk."

Emma tried to smile, and ended up with something closer to a watery grimace. "Thank you Frank, but I'm having surgery this afternoon, I can't eat or drink anything."

He put his hand to his chest dramatically, "no coffee! That is a tragedy."

Tears sprung to Emma's eyes. Her world was upside down, her head was throbbing, her leg was immobilized, everything hurt, nobody could get a hold of Alex, and Frank Churchill of all people was talking about tragedy. "Thank you for trying to cheer me up Frank, but I'd really like to be alone right now." Frank's expression sobered in sympathy and he nodded, squeezed her hand, and exited the room, leaving Emma to her grief.

After a few minutes Maddy Bates walked into her room. "Was that Frank Churchill I saw walking out of here with a long face?"

"Yeah, I asked him to leave," Emma said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, Maddy! I'm so sorry about the Boxx opening. What Frank and I said about you was awful! When I think of what I said and who I said it in front of!"

"Emma Woodhouse, I've known you since you were finger painting in diapers, you don't need to make a speech to me."

"But I was awful to you and to Jane."

"Yes, but I know deep down you've got a good heart."

"Thank you Maddy," Emma said and began to tear up again

"Oh honey, you'll bounce back. You always do."

"I just don't know if I can do this."

"What? The surgery? Mama had her hip done last year and she did fine. You're young and healthy, you'll be fine, Sugarpuff."

"But Alex ..."

"Oh honey, he'll be back soon."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Hell be back. You can't keep a good man down. As Mama always says, good men are like vegetables, they always turn up." She laughed at her own joke and added, "get it, 'turnip'?" Emma laughed and felt some of the tension leave the room. At least Alex would be happy that she'd apologized to Maddy, if he ever did turn up.

* * *

 _I may not always be there to save you._ Alex's eight year old voice seemed to torment her as they prepped her for surgery. She felt like she was under water again and just waiting for Alex to come and pull her out. For the first time in her life he wasn't here for her when she needed him. She had pushed too far and now he was gone. She'd never realized how much her own happiness relied on Alex Knightly until he was gone. She'd taken it for granted that he'd always be there and now that he wasn't she was at sea.

Even when she'd had boyfriends in the past, Alex's opinion was always more important to her. He'd always been one of the most important people in her life and she'd taken it for granted that she was one of the most important people in his. What would she do if he was gone forever? What if he went off and started another business of his own where he didn't have to deal with the whims of his headstrong partner? Was this only the first of many crises and life events that they would miss together? She tried to picture his life without her, his future success, a wife and kids, everything ordered and boring, but honestly she couldn't even imagine him with anyone ever, or at least anyone other than ... Oh God! Anyone other than her. She was in love with Alex … and she didn't realize it until she'd finally manged to push him far enough to leave her.

"Emma!" she heard the deep masculine voice just as they were starting to roll her out of her room. Her heart soared for a moment until he came into sight and she saw that it was John Knightly, followed closely by her sister.

"Emma, we got here as soon as we could." Izzy said.

"Izzy! I'm so glad to see you!" Izzy leaned over and gave her a quick hug. "Izzy Alex is gone and it's all my fault. I've ruined everything, and he's not here, and I don't know if I can do it alone!"

"Luckily you're not alone. Don't worry, we'll find Alex," Izzy said in her soothing mom voice, "you just get better. We'll all be here when you get out of surgery."


	3. Perspective

Alex Knightly sat atop a boulder looking out over the desert. His dad used to take him and John to Joshua Tree regularly when they were kids, and he'd always been able to find peace in this spot. But now he couldn't seem to find any peace. He didn't even know what he was doing here. He'd thought he needed space to figure out how … or if … he could continue to work with Emma under these circumstances. He'd realized over the past weeks that he was in love with Emma. Not as a sister. Not as a friend. But agonizingly, soul crushingly, desperately in love with his best friend … who was in love with Frank Churchill and his thousand dollar haircut. What's worse, he'd had to watch her change from the vibrant, big hearted, warm Emma that he knew and loved into a catty, ambitious, stranger. But distance wasn't doing anything more than making him miss her more.

His phone rang and he looked down at it. Since yesterday morning he had ten missed calls from Emma herself. After a few hours she seemed to switch tactics and he'd had five calls from Annie, two from Mr. Woodhouse, three from Izzie, one from John, three from Harriet, and now John was calling again. He knew Emma's determination when she wanted to talk to someone and he wasn't surprised that she'd recruited everyone they knew into her efforts, but he couldn't handle hearing another empty apology from her. He sent the call to voicemail.

"So your phone is working," John called up from the ground, startling him.

"John, what are you doing here? Did Emma send you?"

"In a way, yes."

"I can't deal with Emma right now."

"Well tough, I'm in the middle of a restaurant expansion, I've got a toddler with separation anxiety transitioning to daycare, a wife who's knee deep in college applications, and an extremely distraught father in law. _I_ can't deal with this right now either, but instead of enjoying a quiet day at home with my wife and kids I just drove all the way to LA, then all the way here, so stop being an ass and get down here so we can talk."

Alex sighed and started climbing down the boulders. "How did you even find me?"

"Please, you're almost as predictable as me. This has always been your favorite spot."

"True enough," Alex said as his feet hit the ground. "Did Emma tell you what happened."

"Only that you had a fight and left. Izzy insisted that I come out and find you since you won't answer your damn phone."

"Typical Emma, things don't go her way and everyone has to stop what they're doing and focus on her."

"Alex," John said in a grave tone, "I needed to wait until you were on solid ground to tell you – lord knows the last thing we need is another sibling in the hospital – there's been an accident."

Alex's heart clenched and he asked, "what happened?"

"She was at the intersection of Donwell and Abbey – you know how the trees obstruct the view – and ... she was t-boned. She's got a concussion and a broken leg. She's in surgery now."

"She was coming to see me …"

"Looks like it."

"When did this happen?"

"Early yesterday evening."

"Oh God!" Alex sank back and leaned on the rock. "I didn't know."

"Right, because the dozens of frantic phone calls weren't a clue."

"I thought she was just being Emma, concocting schemes to fix everything. I didn't even listen to the messages."

"Yes, well." John said uncomfortably. "I didn't want you driving all that way by yourself right now, so I rented a car. Lets pack up your gear then if you'll follow me to the rental place, I'll drive your car back."

"Sounds efficient."

"Well, I am a planner."

* * *

On the car ride, Alex listened to the neglected messages. Emma's messages ranged from the same rationalizations that she'd given him in her office to bossy reminders that they owned a business together and he'd have to suck it up and come back eventually, to emotional pleas that she needed him. In her last message, she was crying and begging him to talk to her, to work things out when she was cut off by the sickening screech of metal marring metal and Emma's cries of pain. Her phone must have been thrown out of her hand because the message continued through the arrival of the paramedics. Her weak question of "Where's Alex" broke his heart. He ended the call, knowing that the rest of the messages were from their friends and family trying to get in touch with him. He let the phone drop to his lap and held his head in his hands.

"She was calling me. She was crying and leaving me a message while she was driving. This is my fault."

"You couldn't have known," John said steadily.

"I was just so selfish."

"Well, it is unfortunate that the first time you've allowed yourself to be the selfish one in that relationship this happened, but that doesn't make it your fault."

"I was intentionally avoiding her calls and all because … because I love her."

"You're just figuring that out now?" John asked sardonically, "Izzy and I have been making bets on when you'd make it official since we saw the two of you cooing over little Emma."

"Unfortunately it's too late. I saw her falling for Frank Churchill and there was nothing I could do about it but watch. I needed to get away, get some space, resolve myself to the inevitable outcome. So I left. I cut off communication and I just left and now ..." he paused, choked up. "What if that damn message was the last time I hear her voice."

"Come on, she's got a concussion and a broken leg. It's not good, but she'll survive. All she's been asking since she woke up was where you are."

"Really?" That revelation sent a combined jolt of hope and pain through him. She wanted him, she was asking for _him_ , but he wasn't there. But then again … "what about Frank?"

"He's been in and out, but I think she sent him away, he's been gone since this morning."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, as a certain life coach reminded me earlier this year, open communication with your partner is important. Let's just try and get you there before she wakes up from surgery, I think you two have a lot to talk about."


	4. Resolution

Several hours later, Alex sat anxiously next to her bed. Her usually meticulous hair fell in limp clumps around her face and her designer clothes had been replaced with an ill-fitting hospital gown. She looked so small and fragile and broken. The doctors said the surgery went well, and now they were just waiting for the anesthesia to wear off. Mr. Woodhouse was off pestering Dr. Perry with questions about Emma's condition – even though her surgeons had already explained everything in detail – Maddy was offering financial planning assistance to the families assembled in the waiting room who were facing the possibility of looming medical debt, and John, Izzy, Annie, and Ryan had gone down to the cafeteria with strict orders to Alex to call them soon after Emma woke.

She stirred a bit on the bed and Alex stood and leaned over her, "Emma?"

"Alex?" She asked groggily.

"It's ok, I'm right here," he said softly.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him disbelievingly. She tried to sit up to give him a hug, but cried out in pain as she shifted her leg. Instead he leaned down into her open arms and she latched on to him. "I didn't think you were ever coming back."

He rubbed her back and replied, "hey, it's ok." He sat back down in the chair beside her but leaned in and looked into her teary eyes. "Emma, I'm sorry for the way that I left."

Emma weekly grabbed his hand and drowsily said, "I'm so glad you're back," before she drifted off to sleep again.

For several minutes Alex just held her hand and watched her sleep. Then she moaned out, "Alex?"

He squeezed her hand and said reassuringly, "I'm still right here."

She gripped his hand and whimpered, "I didn't think you were ever coming back."

Alex furrowed his brow, they had just had this conversation. "I'm so sorry Emma, I thought I needed space but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

"You were right ... again."

"No, as soon as I left I realized that it was a mistake. I mean, it doesn't make sense for me to run away when there's somebody I care about so much here. And … I was miserable being away from her."

"Her?" Emma asked and turned her head away from him.

"You," Alex answered truthfully.

Emma sighed and turned back to him, "thank you for being such a good friend." She closed her eyes and her hand slackened as she drifted off to sleep again. Alex was left with cold disappointment. Apparently John was wrong in his assessment and Alex was still doomed to the unfortunate fate of unrequited love with his best friend.

A nurse came into the room to check Emma's vitals. "She's woken up twice, but she didn't seem to remember what happened the first time. Is something wrong, is the concussion affecting her memory?" He asked anxiously.

"Oh no, that's just how anesthesia works honey. It may be a bit before she fully wakes up and she may not remember anything just after." The nurse reassured him as she made notes in Emma's chart.

Alex was lost in his thoughts a few minutes later when she squeezed his hand and said, "You came back. Alex, I thought ..."

"Hey," he said, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm back and I promise I'll never take off like that again. Emma, I'm so sorry."

"No, don't apologize. I deserved everything that you said and you were right about everything."

"No, I was selfish and reckless and irresponsible. You needed me and I wasn't here for you."

"I do, you know..." Emma said, looking up at him with an almost pleading look in her eyes, "I need you Alex."

Under the intensity of that gaze Alex desperately wanted to kiss her but he still wasn't sure of her wishes. "As a friend?" He asked, hoping his own feelings were clear, "is that what you want?"

"I just want you to be happy, and I'm just so glad you came back and everything can go back to normal."

Those two outcomes were at cross purposes. If everything went back to normal, back to the way it was before he could maybe be content, at least she'd still be in his life. But if she wanted him to be happy things would need to change. "Emma ..." he began, ready to take the risk and tell her everything, but he lost his courage "... never mind, it's not important right now."

"No, no you have something to say and I will listen to you as your friend, and I will stand by you as your friend."

 _Friend_. He felt that word like a shot to the heart each time she said it. He could just leave it, smile and continue on, but he'd already come this far and if he didn't tell her how he felt now he feared he never would. "Ok, then I'll ask your advice as a friend, do I have any chance with you?

Emma's head snapped up to meet his eyes, "what?"

He reached back to the table behind him and grabbed the bouquet he'd bought on his way into the hospital. Holding it out to her he said, "I told you I could get a girl flowers."

Se looked confused for a moment and murmured, "but flowers are romantic." He nodded and she smiled, as she took the bouquet, "Flowers are romantic!"

That was sufficient encouragement for Alex to power through. He leaned in and said, "Emma Woodhouse, I don't have the words to tell you how in love with you I am ... But maybe if I loved you less, I could talk about it more."

"I..." Emma stuttered "I thought you were gone, for two days no one could get ahold of you and now you're back and saying these things ..."

"You don't know how sorry I am for that. I thought I needed time to figure out how to be in love with you while you were ... with Frank..."

"Wait, did you think I had feelings for Frank?

Alex looked down, "I mean … he definitely seemed to make you happy..."

"Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Alex, please believe me, I was never in love with Frank. I may have gotten carried away by the attention but that's as far as it got."

Alex sighed in relief. "So, if Frank's not an obstacle..."

"I just … I can't … Are you sure? What about the business?"

"We'll figure it out."

"What about our families? Izzy and John ..."

"They've apparently been taking bets on when we'd get together for years."

Alex, your friendship means everything to me. I can't loose you. What if we screw this up?"

He leaned in over her bed, eager to set her mind at ease. "Not a chance. Okay, you know me. You know that I am difficult and grumpy and set in my ways. But if you'll let me, I will spend every day trying to make you happy." Seconds passed in silence and he grew nervous. "Emma, say something."

She abruptly tossed the bouquet on the bed next to her and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her for a kiss. When they pulled apart he rested his forehead on hers. Her actions spoke volumes, but she still hadn't said anything. "Was that a yes?" He asked nervously.

She laughed as she playfully responded, "you can't tell that was a yes?"

He shook his head in wonder that this was really happening, "I was just making sure. Just out of curiosity, how was that?" He knew that they were compatible in life – between their business and their longstanding friendship they were basically already an old married couple – and that was far and away the best kiss of his life, but he needed to know that Emma felt that same chemistry.

"Oh," she breathed, "very Emma approved!"

Alex cupped her face and leaned down to kiss her again. A throat cleared and they pulled apart to see the nurse standing in the doorway smiling, but averting her eyes. "I just have a few follow up questions and tests to run."

Recalled to their surroundings, Alex cleared his own throat and replied, "of course," as he stepped away from the bed. While Emma was occupied with her post-op concerns, Alex called John and Mr. Woodhouse to tell everyone that Emma was awake and well.

When the nurse left, Emma turned to Alex and held out her hand, he took it and sat back down beside her. "Do you remember when we were kids and you saved my life?" She asked?

Alex scoffed, "which time? You were constantly charging into danger and I always had to save you."

"When I was four I jumped into the pool and almost drowned, and even though you were only eight you dove in to rescue me before any of the adults even noticed."

"Right, I saw you running toward the pool and tried to head you off, but ended up having to jump in fully clothed."

"You were so brave and chivalrous for a scrawny eight year old."

"Emma, it was the shallow side of the pool, it was only three feet of water. All I had to do was stand still and hold you up."

"Hey, snarky Knightly, when a girl is trying to tell you that you've always been her white knight, don't tell her she's wrong!" Emma said as she playfully swatted at him. "Anyway, do you remember what you said after you pulled me out?"

"No, but I bet I lectured you about pool safety."

"You did, but you also told me you wouldn't always be there to save me. Ever since the car accident, that scene kept popping into my head."

"Emma, I'm ..."

"No, I'm not trying to guilt trip you, I just wanted to say that even if you can't always be there to save me, I'm glad you'll still always be there for me."

"Always," he repeated and couldn't resist kissing her again.

This time they were drawn apart by an exclamation of: "About damn time," from the doorway. They looked up to see John, Izzy, Annie, and Ryan entering the room.

Annie sighed and handed a twenty over to John. At Emma's questioning look she responded, "my money was on Frank," with a shrug.

"Wait, who made the first move?" Izzy asked energetically.

"Alex," Emma responded with a smile.

Izzy pouted and handed another twenty to John. "I was sure you'd pounce on him the minute you saw him."

"She tried, but her leg is immobilized, so I had to come to her," Alex said with an embarrassed smile.

"And the first thing she said when she woke up?" Ryan asked?

Alex blushed again and Emma responded, "I think it was 'you came back'." Ryan's face fell.

Alex cleared his throat, "Actually it was 'Alex' the first two times you woke up, you just don't remember because of the anesthesia."

Ryan pumped his fist in the air but no cash exchanged hands. "I said so, but nobody would take that bet."

"She's barely said anything other than 'where's Alex' for the past day," Annie said rolling her eyes, "nobody was going to bet against that."

Mr. Woodhouse came in and all of the excited chatter about the budding romance ceased. There seemed to be a silent understanding between everyone that now was neither the time or place to tell Emma's father about this development. They would cross that bridge later.

Alex got up to give his chair to Mr. Woodhouse and Emma looked up with a hint of panic, "Wait, where are you going?"

Alex smiled down at her, "I'm not going anywhere, just letting your father sit down," he affectionately brushed her nose with his finger then moved to stand on the other side of the bed and took her other hand. She squeezed it hard. He had a hard time believing his headstrong confident Emma could be insecure about anything – least of all about his affection – but he stayed extra close to her side for the rest of the day … just in case.

* * *

Notes: Mr. Knightly is by far my favorite Austen hero. I have a lifelong soft spot for best friends falling in love, plus he is consistently good and kind to Emma (even when he's scolding her), unlike other Austen heroes I could mention. Because of that it bugged me that in Emma Approved he just disappears and nobody seems to know quite where. This story is my cautionary tale about just taking off and cutting off contact... I hope you all like it!

Reviews, Favs, and Follows make my day!


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